Tonight was brutal.
After such a perfect day, a day in which I felt so close to you, so in love with you and so important to you and your life, being ripped away from you, literally in mid-sentence, was the worst, most upsetting ending I could have imagined. And I know you know I felt that way. I can't hide it from you. And I know you felt it too.
But I feel like I should have tried to hide it. At least for you, so that you could be strong. I don't want to be selfish. I want you to know how I'm feeling and that I love you and that being without you is painful, but I also want you to feel that I'm stronger than the pain, and that you can lean on me if you feel like you need to. Because you can. And I hope that you will. Today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of our lives. Because I know I'll ask the same of you, from time to time, and I know you'll be there for me too.
Yet even though I'm aching for you, and feel empty without you, I feel good and free and new. The joy of the day we shared, the exciting things you achieved and have to look forward to, and the promises we made, or hinted at, or dreamt hasn't left me. It's grown, and through it my love for you has grown. I love you more each day, and every day brings something new and exciting to share with you or through you. I know that there's pain tonight, and that there may be on many nights and days to come, but I know that some day you and I will be together, and we will love each other like two people have never loved each other. And everything we do will be with each other and for each other.
Remember when we were talking tonight about how gay this all sounds? I'm wearing that ruffled shirt right now, baby. If I weren't feeling it, I would be laughing as I read this, or heaven forfend, typed it. But I am feeling it. You're my everything. I can't believe I found you, but I did. And I'm not letting you go. I love you and I'm not letting you go.
I'm not letting you go.
No comments:
Post a Comment