My Turn to Sigh

And now, as Robert Plant said, it's my turn to sigh.

Cue: weepy guitar solo.

I was again too busy to do more than speak with you for a few minutes on IM this morning, and although that was more than we'd spoken on Sunday, after that one brief call yesterday, and the love and longing I could hear in your voice, and feel in mine, not speaking to you today felt like a wound. Like I'd died a little inside.

There's something about that call that warms me still. It was so perfect. I needed to hear from you just as much as you needed to hear from me, and when we found each other it was like we were again the only two people on Earth. If I needed any proof that you and I were meant for each other, that ours is a love of the kind you rarely see, and that our future is a future together or no future at all, that call was enough to quiet any doubt. Not that there was any, but sometimes an affirmation can be a useful and needed thing.

But today we couldn't speak, and now I feel empty and little things having nothing to do with me make me feel foul and ill-tempered. I want you with me and want to be with you. There's slightly more to my sadness this evening, than simply not being able to hear your voice, of course. The things that separate us now are like cancer to me and I hate them. I hate them for keeping me from you. The thought of you being not only away from me, but with someone else is like a needle in my eye; it's a blinding pain cured only by looking away from it. I know it's still there, but when I look away, to the future, to the work in front of me, I can endure it. Almost.

You told me the other day, to help me with my unease in certain situations, to focus on the things near me. I'm doing that, and it's helping, but the thing I'm focusing on is you; seeing you and finally being with you. Watching that one show, while eating that one take out. That is the image in my mind, and that is the joy towards which I am working. It's near but nearly near enough. 48 hours have never felt so long.

And yet I know that if I'd only heard your voice today I'd be in a completely different mood. I suppose this means I'm addicted, too. And I have to tell you today, because I haven't yet, that I'm not letting you go.